Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize