seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
