hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
