True but thats because hes a fetus.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
