So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
