mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
