Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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