I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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