I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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