when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
