I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
