I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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