Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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