my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
