Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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