i need an iv and a liver transplant
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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