party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
