Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
