If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
