I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
