I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We talked him into tasing himself.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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