Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
