then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
