Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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