i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Non-Jews are for practice
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
