Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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