So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
