fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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