we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
