my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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