theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
