U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
