Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
