i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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