Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
