I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
