if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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