Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
