I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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