I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
