well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Holy sore nipples Batman
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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