i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
