I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
