ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
