there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
