is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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