So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
