please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
