So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
