listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she pinky promised me she was 18
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize