Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
