You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
