I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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