Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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