Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
