Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just tell him i said nine months
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
someone owes me an orgasm
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
