I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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