I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
