I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
