We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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