btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
