Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
