i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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