He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
