Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
