Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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