the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
