My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize