so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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