Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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