this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
