she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Swine flu is the new snow day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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