I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
