I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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