so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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