can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
